Avoiding Violence and Rape
Putting pressure on someone to have sex with you is called harassment, and it is illegal. Violating anyone in a sexual way without their consent is called sexual abuse, and it is illegal. Possibly the most psychologically and physically damaging form of sexual abuse is rape.
Rape and Date Rape
Rape is a violent crime. It is punishable with years in prison. Rape victims can be any sex. Rape occurs when a person commits sexual assault by intentionally or knowingly engaging in sexual intercourse or oral sex with any person without their consent. Date rape is rape by someone known to the victim, and is every bit as much a crime.
Statutory Rape
Most states also have laws against having sex with someone under the age of consent. This is referred to as statutory rape and carries heavy penalties even if the person gave consent. This means that if the age of consent in your state is 16, and one person was 17 and the other 15, then sexual intercourse would violate the law, and the older person could face criminal charges. The law is generally intended to punish heinous crimes of an adult taking advantage of a minor.
If you have sexual intercourse with someone who does not want to have sex, then you have committed rape. It does not matter if this is the first time or fifth time of having intercourse with a person. Examine the following advice related to rape:
Advice for Anyone to Avoid Committing Rape and Raping
- Think about whether you really want to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you; how will you feel afterwards if your partner tells you they didn't want to have sex.
- Be sensitive to those who are unsure whether they want to have sex.
- Do not assume the desire for affection is the same as a desire for sex.
- A person who turns you down for sex is not necessarily rejecting you as a person; they are expressing a decision not to participate in a single act at that time.
- No one asks to be raped. No matter how a person behaves, they do not deserve to have their body used in ways they do want.
- Don't fall for the common stereotype that when a person says "No" it really means "Yes". "No" means "No".
Advice for Anyone to Avoid Rape and Date Rape
- Know that it could happen to you.
- Be assertive in setting boundaries for relationships.
- Judge a person by their behavior, not race, looks, socioeconomic status, or even relationship to you. Watch out for someone who:
- Gets hostile when you say "no".
- Ignores your wishes, opinions, or ideas.
- Attempts to make you feel guilty or accuses you of being uptight if you say "no" to sex.
- Acts excessively jealous or possessive; keeps tabs on your whereabouts.
- Displays destructive anger and aggression.
- Define your limits, i.e., how much touch you want with different friends (handshake, kiss on cheek, kiss on mouth, hug with both arms, intercourse, no touch). Think about this in advance, even though you can change your mind later.
- Communicate clearly! Say "no" when you mean no; "yes" when you mean yes; stay in touch with your feelings to know the difference.
(Reprinted with permission of Counseling Service, 120 Richmond Quad, University at Buffalo)
